Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
