At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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