Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
