I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
