dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
we're making bets on your personal life
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
