i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Randomize
