I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
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