Nicole vs. Life
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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