it was like his penis was on wheels.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
It's never too late to be topless.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
