remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
