Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
