Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
FUCK WHALES
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
