I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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