I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
