just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
