you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
