That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
