I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
