I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
