i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Randomize
