I wish I could punch you in the face.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
