I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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