So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
