yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
