i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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