Dude my mom stole all your condoms
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
