i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Randomize
