What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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