when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
