So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
drinking out of a sandbucket again
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Randomize
