so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
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i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
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I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
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