I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize