YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
