Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
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