i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
