honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
