woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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