If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
