Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
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