I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
