I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
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And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
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Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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