At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
