You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
wow bdsm is so cute
Randomize
