Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I love you. Go after that dick
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
