matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
