I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
