I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
i just had sex bonerless
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
