It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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