i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
