My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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