god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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