I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
