Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
