at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
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