you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
