my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize
