I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
She needs sedatives and a leash
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
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