I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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