textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
