what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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