SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
