I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.