I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.