My nipple is on Facebook.
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
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i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
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This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace