Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
17 Women That Lost Condoms Up Their Lady Parts
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
23 People Confess The Most F*cked Up Thing Guests Have Done In Their House
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"