I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
did you just send me my own nude
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Randomize
