Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
