I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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