I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Randomize
