When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
