i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Randomize
