She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
