discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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