Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
