non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
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