I think my vagina is haunted
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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