Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
high people should be assigned attendants
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
