I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
